Kali Forno

As a geek of words, I really, really love that Scalia put (California) in parentheses, that is, “(California does not count)” as the West in his dissent. The guy shows some real understanding, actually.

Geographically isolated for much of the U.S.’s glorious and sordid history, we are bound between the parenthetical described by the Sierra Nevada range to the east and another by the Pacific Ocean to the west, the whole while writing our rich history in many-colored inks on the scorching line of fire that is the Mojave.

If you REALLY wanna get into it, sir, we can add in the Klamath, the Northern and Southern Coast Ranges, and the Transverse, and how frankly, the map of California begins to look like the big, beautiful and bountiful vagina of this nation out of which we birth most of the country’s agriculture and entertainment.

Not to mention the twins we’ve traditionally shared custody of with our crazy communist cousins in liberal bastions (read: places where people are GENERALLY educated to know better than to discriminate) on the Eastern Seaboard, science & tech. If YOU don’t want or value them, no problem. They aren’t exactly orphans hanging out on your doorstep with begging bowls.

And speaking of an East Coast education, we can talk about just how your Georgetown and Harvard Law background makes you such a great spokesperson for the people you presume to champion in the flyover states of your fantasy “West”. I’ll assume your credentials include some time playing cowboy and ropin’ dogies out at your pal Reagan’s Rancho del Cielo…oops! That’s in California, too. My bad.

And finally we can talk about how–not perfectly, not without gross error, no!–but how generally our diversity and progressive policies put us miles beyond your True West, and ALMOST as far left on the map as I’d like to be.

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